I just tried to do a Kickstarter to raise some money so that the next time Cary goes on vacation to like Hawaii or St. Bart or wherever I can go too, and get a room at his hotel and then maybe run into him on the beach.
Kickstarter said that wasn't a project. I said, then what has the last five years of my life been? Huh?
Friday, July 5, 2013
Thursday, July 19, 2012
AIDS, part 1
Recently I've heard a few unconfirmed reports that Cary Brothers keeps a vial of the AIDS virus in his freezer. I'm gonna investigate and report back.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Yes, I'm still bloggin about Cary
Got another hot tip this week: apparently Cary was recently made a Tennessee Squire. I'm not totally sure what that is, but after poking around the website I think it means he owns slaves.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Under Control?
On April 9th, Cary Brothers released his new record 'Under Control' on his label, Procrastination Music. Intrigued by the buzz surrounding this release, I grabbed a copy off of bittorrent and gave it a couple listens.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm going to go all agro and tear the thing to shreds in a hail of abusive diatribes that accuse Cary of everything from anti-semitism to sexual deviancy. Normally you would be right.
Today, though, I have been changed. Today is the day when even I can't deny Cary's brilliance, his work ethic, his firm grasp of the pop idiom. Right from the get go he won me over with his...
...just kidding, this record SUCKS!
I was expecting to be underwhelmed, but honestly, I had no idea how mindblowingly inept this 10 track monstrosity of a pop record was going to be. It's as if every song was crafted specifically to take everything I enjoy about music and lash it together sloppily into a cruel, bitter mockery of love, life, and the idea of any objective goodness in the world. At one point I had to turn it off due to the grinding his stupid voice was forcing on my poor molars. I couldn't turn it on again until I'd downed a fifth of Sailor Jerry's (I keep a bottle around for that purpose, specifically).
'Ghost Town' is the stupidest, most aggressively trite song I've heard in a long time, and trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I have a trashbag full of demos by half baked Kansas City emo bands, and 'Ghost Town' makes that dreck sound like the Stones in their prime. When the first chorus hit, I threw my iPod through a window.
The eponymous single, "Under Control" was particularly loathsome. I haven't heard a person blather on about themselves in such an inane, nonsensical way since a homeless man tried to tell me about the microchip Bill Gates put in his head.
I could go on and on like this, but I won't. Actually, lemme do just one more. Track 5 is called 'Someday'. 'Someday' is the worst...thing...I ever hope to encounter in this life.
Cary, if you're reading this, I have just one request for you: please stop making records. I know the odds are really slim, but I have to ask. I need there to be even the slightest possibility that you'll never record again. I need it to help get me out of bed each morning and face my day.
Also, you ignored me at the 4100 last week. I was totally going to buy you a drink, too.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking I'm going to go all agro and tear the thing to shreds in a hail of abusive diatribes that accuse Cary of everything from anti-semitism to sexual deviancy. Normally you would be right.
Today, though, I have been changed. Today is the day when even I can't deny Cary's brilliance, his work ethic, his firm grasp of the pop idiom. Right from the get go he won me over with his...
...just kidding, this record SUCKS!
I was expecting to be underwhelmed, but honestly, I had no idea how mindblowingly inept this 10 track monstrosity of a pop record was going to be. It's as if every song was crafted specifically to take everything I enjoy about music and lash it together sloppily into a cruel, bitter mockery of love, life, and the idea of any objective goodness in the world. At one point I had to turn it off due to the grinding his stupid voice was forcing on my poor molars. I couldn't turn it on again until I'd downed a fifth of Sailor Jerry's (I keep a bottle around for that purpose, specifically).
'Ghost Town' is the stupidest, most aggressively trite song I've heard in a long time, and trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I have a trashbag full of demos by half baked Kansas City emo bands, and 'Ghost Town' makes that dreck sound like the Stones in their prime. When the first chorus hit, I threw my iPod through a window.
The eponymous single, "Under Control" was particularly loathsome. I haven't heard a person blather on about themselves in such an inane, nonsensical way since a homeless man tried to tell me about the microchip Bill Gates put in his head.
I could go on and on like this, but I won't. Actually, lemme do just one more. Track 5 is called 'Someday'. 'Someday' is the worst...thing...I ever hope to encounter in this life.
Cary, if you're reading this, I have just one request for you: please stop making records. I know the odds are really slim, but I have to ask. I need there to be even the slightest possibility that you'll never record again. I need it to help get me out of bed each morning and face my day.
Also, you ignored me at the 4100 last week. I was totally going to buy you a drink, too.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Antipication is Unbearable
I just found out that the new Cary Brothers record drops in April. Intellectually, I understand it's impossible for this LP to suck as much as I think it's going to suck. The kid in me, however, is holding onto the dream that 'Under Control' will single handedly destroy Cary's career, and I'll find him 5 years from now at an open mic in suburban Nashville, going on before a prop comic.
Man. So many iterations to consider.
See you guys in a month!
Man. So many iterations to consider.
See you guys in a month!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Father Suckmas
Happy Holidays!
I just downloaded Father Christmas, Cary Brothers' new 3 track EP, and listened to most of it. What's that? Review time?
1 - Father Christmas (3:03)
Imagine what the Kinks would sound like if they had been born with severe birth defects. Like, missing arms and stuff. This sounds worse than that.
2 - O Holy Night (3:02)
The first twelve seconds suck, I can tell you that much. I couldn't really make out the rest, as I was in another room making a sandwich.
3 - Christmas Tree (3:13)
Didn't bother.
Is it worth $1.99 on iTunes? No. However, is it worth downloading off thepiratebay.org? Again, no.
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